Dispensible Dada

Somehow, I can feel that it is about to end. I can sense that the end is a bit near, about a left turn away and the road will end. I know, I milked the situation long enough and leaving is the only thing left to do. I have been a deadweight, deadwood and all other ‘dead’ things.

I really, really wanna stay longer, but why? What do I have to offer except for my delussional dreams and my colorful destruction of nice things about life. Really? Why do I have to stay?

I dont have the monopoly of good ideas, I dont have an excellent parenting skills, am not a champion of kindness and my personality is an interesting as a paperclip. The only thing I can offer is love and sadly, truth is, that is not enough.

Just this morning I realized, a father is not indispensible. It can be replaced, others can take my place and will do a better job than me. I may love my son more than anyone else (except his mum) but other than that I dont have anything to offer.

I hope am better but I am not.

END…SOON.

The one with Jollibee

Your Tita brought you to a Jolibee party few days ago. Mum and I are waiting for you at the big grocery near it.

You are fond of Jolibee and have been a fan since your were still a baby. Jollibee is the first fastfood and mascot you recognized. Not that we eat there everyday, but maybe, because when we do you were always allowed to have fun at the playarea and that always made you happy.

So, you were at the party and your Tita often SMS your Mum to update us about you. We were informed, that minutes after you arrived, you comforatbly acted like it was your party. You did your little jumps, trot, sprint and owned the stage like it was your personal space. If a stranger will walk in the room, he/she will assume that you are the celebrant based on your boundless energy.

From across the room, you saw a kid with Lighting McQueen shirt, and since you are a big fan, you aprroached the kid and played with him and his friend. They started out quite reserved in the corner and when you “recruited” them they instantly followed your wild antics and ran back-and-forth with you.

And then, the big moment happened, Jollibee arrived. At this time, your mouth is almost frothing from happiness. You were videoed jumping, clapping and shouting when you saw Jolibee. Other kids just watched with their mums or happy bouncing ballons or maybe still eating but you were there in the middle asking Jollibee for “Hi-fives”.

After a while, Jollibee has to say goodbye. When you heard about it you reacted sadly. You cried and dont want Jollibee to leave. It was a really loud and endless howl. When we picked you up, maybe 15 minutes after, you were still crying. Jollibee leaving the party was tough on you and took you a few minutes to recover.

Overall, it was one great day for you (minus the farewell to Jollibee part) and you showed us all how friendly and sunny baby you are.

Rambunctious

I cannot stress it enough that you are an active boy. While most kids your age are hyperactive, your energy compared to others are on a different plane. It multiplied the normal hyperactivity and add another one to reach your level.

Yes, other kids run around but you not only just run but also jump, hop, pivot, pirouette, clap, shout in a mixed of funny and wild combinations.

Dont get me wrong I ain’t compalining. In fact, I am happy that insipte of your rambunctious ways you are not disruptive and irritating. We love it and enjoyed it everytime we see your antics and being your silly 🙂 little self.

Depression I

Depression is a tough gig, though it is present 24/7, suferers can have a temporay relief from it and be able to act normally for a period. It can be stashed in a corner temporarily and will just sprung out when it needs to or when it is ‘time”. Relief are just temporary, unless maybe you seek professional help (which can be very expensive) and before you know it dark clouds are once again all over you.

Playing with your child is one of those temporary “highs”. Talking to him, playing with him, seeing him grow etc are always happy moments and no amount of sadness can push it away.

Being a parent with depression is no joke. You know one day “blues” can end it all. It can just make you quit and give up. It is always hard to think that one day it can happen. I may not know when will it be but deep inside you just know someday, somehow it all STOP.