One that broke the Camel’s back

anytime that someone is stressed, fatigued, depressed etc that person will one day snap. The emotional stress he/she needs to carry everyday will break him/her eventually. Even our strongest bridges or mightiest mountains can not hold forever. Sadly, something snapped yesterday.

Yesterday was planned to be nice. I bought lunch, donuts, Gatorade and I was expecting a happier day because Ken’s school is short and the kids will have more time to play and relaxed than most school days.

However, while playing in a way to bully Liam, kenzo mixed his Rubik’s cube that Liam bought few hours ago from his friend. Liam planned for days, openned his coin bank to buy that Rubik’s cube and was happy to show it to us when he got home. Now the toy is all mixed up and was mixed on purpose to make fun or hurt Liam. When I learned about it, I just lost it and spewed all the harsh words and even pushed them to go inside the house, I smashed a toy trash bin with a punch, I kicked a ball to Ken’s leg, I took a knife to stab their basketball. I just lost it. All stored frustrations, fatigued, life’s problem all landslides to that moment. I shouted all the words like fuck, stupid, shit etc.

After my emotional tantrums, I texted their mom that I need to leave. For the longest time I have been asking her if I could leave. The house breeds negativity, hate and it is now very toxic, it never had even a weekend in peace there is always someones throwing a fit, shouting, swearing.

I have been wishing to leave. I cant be here and be snappish when things go south. I am more of a hurt than a help. I no longer have a patience and I am treated here just like a glorified maid. If I stay more bad thinsg will just happen.

My plan now is to hide in my room and just do my chores when I have to but otherwise I will just be alone in my room, and just be what I am treated to be a—a glorified maid.