Frog Experiment

Many years ago scientist made an experiment on a frog. They realized that if you put a frog in a pot of boiling water it will jump out to escape but if you put the frog in cold water and slowly boil it the frog will stay and boil to death.

What happened to the frog is the story of my life. I am in a warm water that is about to boil and I am still in it not realizing that in a while I am about to die.

The deterioriation of my happiness is so slow that I almost dont realize life is about to kill me.

It is not a situation that anyone can handle to be in. Our house is full of hate, so much frustratiion, so much exhaustion. Never will a day pass without someone swearing. We are both in our emotional edge and just a little spark can turn us to frustrated-swearing idiots in front of the kids.

It is not a life we should give the boys but just like the frog we are not aware that our actions are killing all of us.

can not stand

It is getting tougher and tougher, harder and harder. I want all to end and rest but I really can’t. School year is on going and I cant leave now. My body and spirit is tired. I wished to stay but really it is hard. Everyday is like running a marathon while carry a cinder block. I lost my will to fight, my power to power through.

Whining, is not winning.

Kenzo still has this habit of whining as his way out of tough spots. Whether at school or house chores he will whine to get his way out. I am sick of it, especially when he do it during his school work. Rather than find a solution to challenges, he will whine and hopefully I or his mom will rescue him.

I want to instill grit in him. I want him to stomach the hard times and crawl is way out. Making him do it and wanting him to do it are two different animals. It is easy to want it but to make him do it is hard. He will challenge it by whining more and crying, and when that happens I often lose it and say words that I should not say. I say tough words like ‘stupid’, calls him cry baby, compares him to other kids etc which I know is not the right thing to do. I wish I can control myself but the stress, exhaustion, depression and all takes it heavy toll on me.

The other night I told him not to cry and argue his way out, or fight it. I told him I would rather see him fight and argue with me than cry and whine.