Bickering

Last night it was one of many shouting matches that we had but last night was different it has more drama. It was a typical night, mum got home and brought a bag of fries and a box of croissants. We were all seated and muching on the food when Kenzo asked for more salt. Mum took a about a teaspoon and placed the half croissant cover and half to the fries. After about 5 minutes Liam noticed the white powder or granules on top of the box cover and asked me what was that. I answered sugar, I thought it is confectionary sugar from the croissant. Then I closed the box cover and not knowing the salt spreaded all over the croissant. When Mum saw this she went bonkers and, like her usual everyday self, she shouted at all of us as if we should know that it was salt on the cover. This irked me a lot and hit me the wrong way. I felt her violent tantrums were unfair and stupid. How will we know that it was sugar? Why throw a tantrums for a mistake she made?

I lost it and slamed the croissant I was eating on the box. I violently swiped the box and it spread all over the table and a few on the floor. I almost took one and almost throw it at her face. After that shouting macth ensued just like the everyday, everynight bickering we had. It was a sad sight.

It was one of the ugliest fight we had, we had quite a collection but this one is quite serious than most. It is something that will stick to the kids memory and might shaped how they will be in the future.

Notorious murderer Dahmer was asked about what made him do what he did. He said, he was not abused or neglected as a child but what affected him was his parent’s endless bickering.

When parents or any persons who are not getting along and are on emotional edge due to problems and stresses of life bickering is kinda expected. When you are living a stressful and hard life, one spark of (like a few salt) can make you tip over and lose control.

This morning I suggested to leave. I had suggested this a few times in the past but it was often ignored. I think the solution to all this and to avoid further damge on the kids and to mum’s meantal health, I bettter leave. Hopefully, I can soon.

Liam’s 8th.

Sadly we spent it in quarantine. We all got mild Covid while Liam celebrate his birthday 2 weeks ago. It is still a party, though there are no visitor or anything but we still have special food to celebrate with.

Liam is still a young boy.Unlike Ken who is fastly maturing to a young teen. Liam is still with a young boy’s curiosity, wonder, adventure and fun. He also sometimes invents a word like is new favorite KUMALALA. It does not mean anything, he just love saying and playing with that word.

Happy Brithday, Kumalala!

Ruins everything

Oct 12, Kenzo’s birthday. We are all supposed to go the mall to eat out. Uncle Geff is going to pick us all up, yes including me, but Kenzo dont want me to go because I ‘ruin the vibe’. It is possibly true. I am pessimistic, stressed out, impatient and not really someone you want to come.

I do ruin the vibe especially when I am with their mom. It is just a fatal mixture that everytime we see each other. There is seldom a day we spent together that there is no commotion, bad words, shouting and stress. There is always toxicity and hate.

If I am Kenzo I also dont want myself to come too. He made a good call, there to be honest.

Anyway, It his birthday and I cant believe he is about to be a teen soon. Happy Birthday!

C19 Train

Liam one day just woke up feeling dizzy and weak. He excused himself from taking his online classes and slept the whole day, which is very odd for him to do; we suspect right away that he is possibly sick.

I am not to worried about C19, though the current narrative is to be scared of it but it has a very low death rate for young healthy kids, the Math is on our favor even if he got covid I wont be panicking. By night time he started to have fever and it could either be Flu, Covid or Dengue. I was praying for it to be covid than dengue. Kids are fatally at risk of Dengue and almost immune to Covid. We tested him and he got covid. I am not a bit worried. I believe it is going to be flu like and done is 3 days. Thank God, I am not wrong.

Kenzo continues to play basketball and quite healthy while Liam is sick. We seperated them but sadly the poor ventilation eventually got us. Kenzo got C19 when Liam’s fever ended. In about 2 days Liam fever subsided but he ended up with massive leg cramps. He cant walk for 2 days because of pain on both of his calves. Though he feels ok, his legs are not. Liam’s ordeal extended for 2 more days that made his illness a total of 5 days. It is 3 days of fever and 2 days of leg cramps. While Liam was recovering, Kenzo started to cough and experienced fever of about 38 degrees. In about 4 days Kenzo started to recover and felt fine. But at around that time, I started to feel a bit weak and feverish. True enough, I too got it. It was just a fever of 2 days but on the 2nd day my back hurt and hardly cant sleep. The difficult part of my covid was not covid itself but the back pain. On my 3rd day of fever, Mum got it too. She started to cough and had fever. I have no time to recover because I have to start to clean, cook etc while my back was bothering me. Fortunately, in about 4 days I am back to normal.

Our house if poorly ventilated due to the AC set up. We dont rely on outside air to cool us but entirely dependent on AC. Our window openings are few and small. We tried to use fans to exhaust the virus out but sadly it was not enough. Covid is not something to be scared of, nor it is a death sentence. The effect of Covid was on our routine and classes. The kids missed a lot of school work because they are not allowed to go to class, I also cant teach them because I feel weak and overwhelmed with a housework and chores.

Overall, I am happy that we are done with it. We now have a better immunity because of the infection. We just have to now work extra hard catching up with school work.