A bit of a drown

I have a Deviated Septum, from a sucker punch that knocked me out when I was perhaps about 14yrs old, that makes it diffcult for me to sleep at a certain position. I can only sleep on my side and my head must be a in the correct angle otherwise I would be hard for me to breathe.

But I noticed something different the past few days that sleeping is not as easy as it used to be. There are nights that I will wake up, out of breath and felt like I was choked for a few seconds. I think it is a slight heart attack-choke combo. I think due to my Septum issue and my poor heart condition that both contributes to that choking feel. I will wake up grasphing for air, pretty much like I was drowning.

Since 3 days ago, I was sick with a bad cold (from lack of sleep of the past days) that clogged my nose, and add to that the septum-poor heart condition combo, now sleeping is like an extreme sport. It felt like sleeping is dangerous and can very well be my last every night. Sleeping is like a death sentence now that I am no longer sure that I get to still have another morning.

But the main issue now is not choking to death but how to get a good sleep everynight. There are nights, after I fell asleep only to be woken up by my “drowning” 10 mins after. And then I will arrange my pillows, my sleeping posture to try to get back to sleep but the same sad thing will heppen again, that I can only catch sleep in 10 minutes batches. That routine will likely go on for about 2hrs until I get lucky and land on the correct sleep posture and then that is the only the time I can sleep again.

This can kill me, one night my heart will not be up to the task and will not recover when I “drown”. This put a lot of strain on Mr.  Heart and I dont know how long will he keep up fighting.  To help me, I must have a CPAP machine on me, but I dont know if my life is even worth to fix.

 

Liam’s school mates.

His first bestfriend at school was Lucas and later on Andre. This year it is Sky.

Last year at the start of the current school year, Liam was looking for and was sad that Lucas and Andre was no longer around. Andre transferred to the later class and Lucas at the earlier class. He was a sad about it and took him a few days to move on. Good thing, he found a new playmate in Sky. It is his current friend but sadly Sky is leaving too.

Liam and I was on our way home and Liam said,

“Dad. Sky transferred house already and he will leave OLPMC too.”

Liam maybe starting to realized now that friends will come and go, a few will stay and few will leave and it may not sound fair, but that is how it is.

Getting up to par

Liam’s study was not given much attention as much as Kenzo’s. One big reason is I am the only one who knows how to tutor and mum is not reliable in anything about studying. It is hard to juggle tutoring while also frying dinner. I have to sacrifice one to save myself from exhaustion.

First it is getting tough to tutor them both. If I do both of them together they will not be able to study and focus. If I do it one at the time, the other one who is not studying is often staying, lurking outside the study room because they are either “scared” or bored to be alone upstairs in their room.

Sometimes in some twist of the universe I get them to study but those moments are not that often and consistent. Sometimes, it is just as easy as a click, they will agree to study but most of the time they will say NO. Kenzo is the key and influencer, once Ken said “Yes I will study” chances are Liam will too.

Liam is showing improvement in his school, compared to the past, it seems he is catching up. He really needs that discipline and consistency that me as a tutor must instil, sadly, tutoring is hard and frustrating. Whenever I will spend an hour of tutoring with them, afterwards I felt spent and exhausted, i dont know why but it is just hard.

Liam can do Math fairly well. He can now add, subtract and skip counting, among others. Hopefully, he will improve more and I can be more patient in handling time for studying.

 

The Spot II

So after our visit to our Pedia, we were told that there is nothing much to worry about and that his hair will grow back, because the follicles are still present. We were given steriods and vitamins as it might be due to Vitamins defeciency.  Lukemia or Alopecia are not a possiblity as of that time, though if the spot widens or other spots appeared we were told to go back to his office.

Days after the diagnosis, mum and I were both kind to kenzo, a bit lax to his tantrums and whining, because we pity his condition. We try to be good parents to help him with his ordeal. Sadly, that “good parents” lasted for about 2 weeks and now we ae back to our normal frustrated beings.

The spot was, fortunately, is hidden from his classmates because unless you push his hair aside or if his hair is very wet that is only the time that the spot will be exposed, good thing it is still unknown to others. But my problem it seems very slow in growing back, yes hair grow half an inch in a month, but I kinda hoping all will be back to normal and another similar spot wont appear in the future.

So far, it was one of the scariest and saddest things we got from being parents.