Dada from Hell

I am now in charged of almost all the house chores and it is tough, mainly because it is not a source of accomplishment but  embarrassment, not paid to do the work, no vacations etc.. it is depressing, really.

Earlier I had to clean the car mainly because after I washed it 2 days ago it got rained on  16hrs  later. It was a sad on to see that after cleaning it the weather will just ruin it for 15minutes. Anyway, I had to clean the car.

The problem with a 3rd world country is the water rotation during summer, and it we get water it was weak. In unfortunate days will have 2-3days without water which is ironic because we are in a tropical country and gets the most rains but we still are the one with a shortage.

So I forced myself to wash the car, in the middle of a humid 38 degrees weather. I just had to wash it. While washing it I can hear the 2 boys playing and it some instances was fighting. I cannot stop the car wash to check on them, that is difficult because I was sweaty, sticky and muddy. I let them do their thing whatever that may be.

After I finished my wash, I went inside to stow my stuff and what I saw was a disaster of a living room. Boxes on the floor, toys all over etc. A big mess.

To me that is difficult. Now after the car wash I have to face another round of cleaning but add another weight of the heat and the no water and my thirst and fatigue.

I lost it and need to punish both of them for it. I grabbed a corrugated box and slam it on their backs, heads, legs with full force. I was violently mad. Good thing boxes are quite soft and it will not break their bones or cut their skin but it can bring trauma to their soul forever.

Gulag, almost.

When I picked up Kenzo earlier today, all was normal, then when we reached Moonwalk he decided to trick Liam by hiding on the third row back seat of the car. When Liam got in he naturally was confused that Kenzo was not there, Rina  was too and asked his whereabouts. But I think Liam got a hint from Rina that Ken was hiding and that busted his stunt. Kenzo got frustrated and cried and just when Liam was closed to him he punch him in the face. Liam cried and tried to get back at Kenzo. All hell broke loose at the back while I was driving home. Liam wailing, followed by Ken, a chorus of cries, they jumped all over and on each other.

Any person I think will surrender to all the chaos, and I did. I Shouted at them to stop but none did, when I got a chance to catch Kenzo I grabbed his hair and immobilized him by holding on to it. He cried naturally. I got really upset and I punished them by not cooking them lunch (fortunately for Liam he just finished his at Monnwalk). Kenzo continued to wail and I did what I promised, I headed straight up and did not prepare him his lunch. he just opened a pack of bread sticks and drank juice.

At Dinner, after a great afternoon snack, I am quite hesitant to prepare a heavy dinner but I decided against it and still did. I cooked rice and sausages. All went smoothly but I realized they are not too hungry from the Mac n Cheese overload about 2 hours prior. Anyway, they still started their dinner. But about 5 minutes into it, Kenzo started to have small complaints about the quality of his rice and started to spit them one by one. It looks horrible and as I was washing dishes and my back turned around them, Kenzo put chewed sausage on Liam’s plate and that resulted to our worst dinner ever. Liam cannot stomach what he saw and vomitted twice and all over the dining area.

Needless to say, that blew my top. I shouted at Ken and Liam. I grabbed Liam by his hair. I almost pushed their faces to the vomit, good thing I did not. I shouted expletives. I hit them in the head and at their behind. As a punishment no one will get their milk and they have to sleep hungry.

These are far from ideal parenting. One day both of them will compare notes with their peers and they will realized they had a bad life, family, and dad. Just like what happened to me when I was a kid. I was treated badly and when I   realized that my other friends were better taken care of, it resulted to resentment and hate toward my parents. I know Liam, Kenzo and I are all heading to a very dark similar path… unfortuantely.

Monopoly of good things

I was talking to my sister via viber and we were discussing how I eat poorly. I gave her a rundown of what I ate that day,  and even I got surprised by the load of lard I put into my body.

Fried Bacon and eggs in a bread swamped with mayo, fried porkchops and choco cake was my lunch, fried chicken for dinner and noodles…and the list goes on.

She told me to watch out for my health and leaving my young kids without a father is gonna be a tough one for them. She has a point but it got me thinking, I dont have the monopoly of good stuff, I am not a heaven sent to my kids, I am no angel.. at best I am ok and at my worst I am hurtful to my kids.

Just this morning, I was cleaning and I was not done yet. As a rule, no one will go to the place where I ain’t done cleaning because I might have to clean it again. Kenzo walked in to his room while I am cleaning and I shouted( with colorful bad words) at him to go out ASAP, he was just maybe a couple of second slow, I grabbed his hand and pull him (a bit strongly) outside and I even use my broomstick to prod him out.  Similar instances of emotional burst happens and the main catcher of those are my kids. I lose it when they make a mess, when the are slow when I am in a hurry, when they fight etc… I spew violent, hateful words like “stupid!”, “Fuck!” “Shit!” and other things that kids should not hear.

I am not a great dad, Just fine at my best. I am really dispensable. I might be hurting them emotionally with slander more than I am a help to them. I can leave the world, maybe I will be  missed.. but really, seriously I know they will be better off without me.

A slice of my afternoon

This post is about what happened earlier today and it probably represented what my typical day is like.

At 3PM, I prepared two bowls of Fruit Loops and 2 cups of orange soda for the kids. Immediately after I have to browse thru the notes and books of Kenzo to prepare a reviewer for his long test tomorrow.

at about 430 we started the review that lasted for about an hour.

545 I rested for a bit, surfed the web etc.

620PM I cooked Potatoes, made Fruit loops again, I also cooked my dinner, an egg sandwich.

At 7 we had our dinner.

After every meal, the kitchen will be a mess and I have to do clean, wash dishes, mop the floors. I also need to clean the baby bottles and prep them, give the two kids a bath fix their room and stow all their toys etc. and I have to do this all before Kenzo’s sleep time preferably at about 730.

Now the problem earlier was in the middle of washing the dishes, water supply got weak and wont reach the 2nd floor bath, to make matter worst there were bouts of crying and fighting. In fact, when I was washing the dishes I heard Liam kinda vomitting about something and I panicked because it is gonna be an added pain if I have to clean vomit to my stacked chores. I hurriedly went up and shouted at them to not do anything that will make them vomit, apparently they were brushing their teeth and something happened that made Liam queesy. I got mad and really shouted.

I resume my chores and was finished about 730. I now have to give them a bath and just like in most days the bath doesnt have water flowing. Our water supply comes in shift and during the day we can have no water at a certain time. Sometimes just about twice in a day, that will resume in an hour but most times it will be gone for 2-6hrs in a day.

I finished giving them a bath, then it is my turn. Just about 5 minutes into my bath I heard Liam crying. He was pushed outside by Kenzo due to an argument they had.  That was the time I lost it. After my bath I took a towel and shouted at them  and protested that I am tired of them, that I have to clean and cook, and deal with all their fighting. I took the towel and slashed their toys with it and shouted at them to shup up, and if they wont I will break their toys.

It is not a dream situation and it is a normal occurence in our household, eitther me or mum to lose our patience and let our anger take over us. It is hard. Parenting kids and doing all the chores and also being a school tutor, it can  make anyone insane.

 

No Mas, California

Though I miss my yearly pilgrimage to Cali, sadly this year I might not be able to. I have grown fat, my tummy bursting out, my face is as round as a donut.

I felt like a red-neck, white trash from American Mid-west. Those guys that eats  everything with gravy, who munch a tray of pork barbeque in a meal etc..

I looked like that now, and I ain’t happy. I am a pig.

To me getting fat is a serious matter. I see it as competition or a game. To keep ypur weight in check means you are still in the game, sometimes down by a few points but still there fighting, sometimes leading and on the way to win.  But there were a few sad times where  you raised the white flag and  gave up.

“Hell with the game, I am packing up.”

That to me is getting fat. Where you are no longer trying. When you know the game is over and there is no more chance to catch up. Sadly, that is where I am at… a fat lump of grease.

I am asked to go to Cali again but I have no desire to travel there with my bouncing belly. I am not gonna be happy looking overweight like this. With the heavy heart I might not go back this year, or maybe never. Though I terribly miss everybody there, including Ginger,  flying there  might not be possible.

I just have to settle with street view to see the nice places i missed and follow pages related to the place. No mas, Cali.. hopefully I can see you again.

 

Stress eating

I have ballooned to more than 200 lbs. The last time (Jan 2017) I was at California I was maybe about 190 after just about 6 months (August 2017) my pants the I wore in Cali wont fit anymore. In just about 6-7mos I gained approx. 10 lbs.

My guess was due to the stress brought by the load of San Beda’s school work that Kenzo needs to do.  First, doing school work with a deadline is a tough one and stressful. I know I can answer grade school stuff and breeze through it, obviously, but the stress comes from how will I make this understandable for Kenzo to digest. How can I make it entertaining so Kenzo will stick to it. I also need to teach and re-teach his subjects to make sure he understood.

Teaching your kids needs a hell lot of patience. First, they are at home. They have an Ipad, toys, TV within an arm’s reach. He also has Liam that is waiting for him to finish so they can play. There is also his buddies outside our home lurking to play with them.

Patience… it is hard to come by when you are hungry. I tried to lessen my intake just a bit but it affected my patience when teaching. I realized that when I am hungry, I am a bit edgy and it is easier to blow your top. I caught myself shouting and lose my control during those days I am low on carbs.

SO, I gave up. I just stuffed my mouth with carbs prior to study time. I made sure I am filled before we tackled his lessons head on. Yeah, the sacrifices I have to do, which sadly, or proudly,  resulted to a roundier tummy, and another layer of chin.

 

 

Liam is athletic, I think.

I think I can see an athletic potential in Liam. It started with football. At around just 2 years old he can kick the ball straight and with a bit of a power. He can even kick using any of his feet.

Just about a month a go they got a basketball goal and the way Liam shoot the ball is a bit advance, it has a loop, a trajectory considering he was not taught any of the basic on how to.

His physique is different too, it is long and lean. I know it is a bit early to say, but I think it can be something.

In a year, I will enroll him to swim class just like what I did to Ken before. Maybe this year, if our sked permits it or i have the energy to do it, I will enroll him to Ampongan Tae Kwon Do.

I hope Liam can be good with sports someday.

 

 

 

His school work

Ken is doing good. But Liam is a little delayed with what he is supposed to know. We were not able to attend to him as much as we attended to Kenzo. I remember Liam was able to talked properly was at around 2 years old, when he just blabber it was a bit difficult to teach him. So, I waited and waited until he got left behind.

The other problem is US parents. I have only a bit of patience to teach and his mum has none. It is hard for me to teach Kenzo and Liam. Teaching Kids requires a ton of self control because mostly they will find a way to escape from it, which is natural for kids to do.

Our daily routine is, to wake up 5am every morning to prepare breakfast and Kenzo’s school stuff. At before 6am to bring him to school and I will be back at the house at about 7am. I have to clean the house, laundry etc and by 10am I have to leave to get Ken at 1130. I will be at home at 1230, I will cook or prepare lunch and take a nap while the kids play. Will prepare snack at 230 and by 3 I have to teach Kenzo his school work until 430. 6 will be their bath and 7-8 will be sleeping time. That is not really a cramped sked, I actually can squeezed teaching Liam in between laundry/cleaning and picking up Ken, that was my plan but it never happened or rarely happened.

The afternoon review with Ken sapped all my energy and doing that to Liam too has become to exhausting.

We as a parents failed Liam. If Liam got low grade the blame should be on us the parents. I remember when I was a kid, my parents never bothered to teach me and when I got low grades from school, because I was unsupervised and naturally will choose to play, I got all the blame and was tagged as dunce by everybody, relatives, siblings, parents, teachers, classmates. I think this will also happen to Li. How can he get ahead in his class when no one attends to him? How do you expect him to do good when we, the parents, were amiss with our responsibility.

Liam if you keep on getting low grades, it is not your fault. It is because of me and mum.

 

Liam’s school

Have not visited or updated this blog for awhile, I blame system issues. I had difficulty making a post for some reason that I was not able to resolve. Anyway it made blogging close to impossible. I got tired of trying and just decided to give it a rest. I tried again today and Viola! It worked. All the following posts are all late post, as I try to catch up. 

Liam started his Play Gym at Alabang. It was mostly just gym time, a little song and dance etc. Mostly it is just playing and having fun to prepare him for the actual school.

It was my Little Gym in Molito Alabang and he loved every minute of it. The teachers there liked him as he was very playful and sweet to them. It was a sight seeing Liam swats his personality around, that unfortunately something you can see from Kenzo.

Sadly after a few months he got into while playing with his brother that put his arm in a cast. This made him not attend his Gym school but when the cast was removed, supposedly he should be able to resume school but his mum got very busy and he was not able to go back since.

A few days before his arm got broken I also brought him to Cribs to Crayons Playhouse. It is more of a real school than a gym. This time they do actual writing and study. It was good and he enjoyed it. but when I shifted him to a more intense and focused study (a One on One with a teacher) he got bored and wanted out.

Liam is very sociable and get his energy from other kids, and that is why probably he got bored being in a one on one setup. He wont cooperate with the teacher, he makes tons of excuses and he would cry when I bring him to school. It was traumatic for him.

So mum and I decided maybe let Liam pullback and will just enroll him on the next school year.