The Spot

Last sunday while they were preparing to attend a birthday, mum noticed something on Kenzo’s hair. We initially thought he played with his hair by snipping it, or his classmates did it to him. When we asked about it and he was scared to give us an answer and wont even let us to see it. We tried to convince him to tell us what had happened but he cowered under the blanket or pulled up his hoodie tightly to his head. He wont show or talk about it. He was crying. And my heart is breaking at that moment.  He was as confused and scared as we were. I think it happened about   2 to 3 weeks ago because the last time we went to the barber (around xmas) it was not there.

It was a bald spot. And it is really scary. I am very worried now about his health and the emotional drawback of being bald.  Last night I tried to take a peak while he was lying down and it was about 4 inches wide. It is not noticeable now because  his hair is covering it,  hard to notice unless you move most of his hair. He has a thick and coarse hair that serves him well now cause it hides the spot.

Kenzo since his toddler years was  reserved, aloof to people that he is not comfortable with. He only has a handful of close friends that he keeps, he is not a normal kid that plays with everyone. He is active when comforatble but  initially very cautious with his social interaction. He is a classic introvert. I think he dont have much of a confidence, he is not assertive, he is what you can call “shy”. But that was ok with me, as I am like that too. Shyness is normal and not everyone can be playfully egregarious or loud etc.. we embraced his shyness and he just walk around it everytime.  But this lack of strong self-worth is his enemy if this spot escalate.

This “spot” plus his low self image is terrible for him. I dont know how he will cope and handle this. I can just imagine the social trauma on him, the teasing, the bullying from other kids and as a parent this is breaking my heart.

Cats in the Cradle

It is a Cats in a Cradle kinda thing, all parents and kids unconciously will hop on this routine, it is because they are both always in a different phase in life and will seldom or briefly meet at the same spot. It is like both are travelling at a parallel line in an opposite direction.  During the young years of the kid where he yearns for his parent’s attention is also the time where bills, school fees and saving for the future happens for mum and dad. The old years of the parents where the parents has free time and dying to reconnect to his/her kid is also the time where the kid (now an adult) has a carreer or a family of his own to handle.

When my kids sometimes are interupting me with stories about a cartoon character, youtube videos, or just any kid’s stuff,  I usually fake interest and say “uh huh, wow” without really giving a rat ass about it. When I really need to be left alone and I have stuff to do, I shut them up by saying “I am Busy.”

I know in the future the situation will reverse and I will be on the recieving end of  “I AM BUSY!” that is the time where I want to interest my kids with my stuff that is sadly, by that time in the future, going to be boring to them.

It is a cats in a cradle kinda thing and sadly it is something that is beautiful but it just happens on the wrong time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stressed Fam

When Kenzo was just months old we moved from the condo to a townhouse and our neighbor there often was verbally abuse their son. Everytime we and Kenzo’s nanny overheard the abuse we were all shocked, it if as if they are condenming their son to death. We were all thinking then,  what horrible parents the kid has. We at that time were still new parents cannot imagined how we can do that to Kenzo. We promised  quietly we are not gonna be that way, we are gonna love him more than our lives, he will be raised in a loving home. Well… that was the goal….

Fast forward to now, Kenzo and Liam ended up to be emotionally and psychologically abused and they are way worst than our previous neighbor’s kid, compared to Ken and Li the neighbour’s kid life was paradise. I think Kenzo bear the brunt because Liam can act nice, and cute his way out of a tangle.

One reason Ken gets the harsh treatment  is because he is a strong willed kid, emotionally sensitive (aka tantrums boy) and loud. Add to that our stressed broken family, that is pretending to be complete, life’s problems and curveballs, frustration from all the expenses, hate, and the fact that we already gave up on Kenzo’s whining and tantrums (we cannot tolerate it anymore). And surely you will end up with chaos and abuse.

The (mostly by mum) shouting, whining, crying, the swearing are loud and can be heard accross the street. I am sure our neighbors are thinking the same thing we were thinking before about our neighbour.

Studies will show a stressed kid will have a hard time at school, remembering and learning can be affected by a trouble-filled life and I fear that Ken will end up in that route. A stressed kid will lose assertiveness, will be socially awkward, will lack a good self image and other things. The book of Gladwell titled Outliers made a case about this,  it was a comparison between lives of Robert Openheimer and Chris Langan.

I wish I can reach out,  but I am really voiceless in our household. I am voiceless and insignificant. I had offered my POV many times but mostly are ignored.

But many times I also fall into the trap of verbally abusing Ken during our arguments, often due to his tantrums and/or fighting Liam, I am not completely innocent, I am  also a purveyor of abuse (though relatively, compared to their mum, am a bit on the nicer side).  Yes, I am guilty too.

This whole family is spiraling downwards, we need to abandon ship soon. There must be a reboot done soon… let us see.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mall Rats

When we are still without children going to the mall is where we spend our weekends. It seems free and a cheap way to entertain ourselves. No entrance fee, purcahse required.. cheap, right?

Wrong!

Around 2015 I realized something, this is due staying at home to watch AlDub, that it is really costly to go to the mall. It is seems free but really, we rarely stay there for 2 or 3 hours without buying anything. There is always a new thing to buy, a new pillow covers to replace, a new pants, clothes for malling next week, a resto to try, a place to eat, a book to read etc… there is always something we need and that is because that is our nature to always want to improve, wanting the newest, nicest, coolest stuff our bank account can buy.

If only we can stay away form the malls and just visit when you need important stuff we can save money.

This post looks like I am demonizing the Malls… because  I am. 🙂

 

 

 

Recap 2019

Another awful year has passed and another new awful one just started, tho still hoping that this year will be , even just a tad, better than 2019.

I met some new people and distanced myself to some this year, a mixture of fun and sad stuff.

It was not a good year and it is as bad as 2018.

3 days before the year ended  I heard one of the horrifying news that our house does not have a plumbing overflow. All waste are dump in the septic tank but does not go anywhere. It was horrible and expensive news I got to cap my 2019.

Grade 3 was also not good for Kenzo at school, he got bullied by a classmate and I wrote the teacher about it to have it immediately fixed. Ken also got a bit of an habit of procastinating his school work that naturally will end up to lower grtades. But Liam’s this school year is a bit of a jump, he is now more focused and eager to learn compared to years past.

Kenzo (and a bit of Liam) thankfully still continues to enjoy books which is a good thing.

Last year also had a bit more of a fight in Ken. He is now more stronger in trying to push his limits, that sadly resulted to more scolding from his mother, a few from me,  and more fights with Liam.

Liam remained the sweet kid, he started his Tae Kwon Do last year and earned his yellow belt, which he his very proud of.

I also got UFC for 6 months that can help me kill time.

One other thing last year is the “fall out” between me and Sue, once she got Leinee to do her stuff all the bottled frustration she got on previous delays on her banking requests sprung out and was unleashed on Tere and partly to me.

An excellent thing happened early last year was when we Kenzo won a MacBook in a raffle at San Beda.

overall, it was a depressing and a shouting, swearing filled year. I think we swore more in 2018 and 2019 than all the previous years we are together from 1998 to 2017.

I ended last night by watching the last episode of friends. It was a “goodbye” final episode of a show that lasted for 10 years. The last word of the show was muttered by Chandler, when they all decided to have a a coffee one last time and Chandler asked “Where?”

On the 1st day of 2020 I also wanna ask the same, “WHERE?”